Why are we still doing this even if we are all going to the same place?

Hello everyone! It has been a long time since my last article. I was busy with my knew job and new boyfriend. Yeah, my life changed a lot in the pass one year. I moved back to my home town, had a new job, broke up with my ex and had a new boyfriend lately.

To be honest, I feel a bit tired. But so strong and full of energy at the same time. This is the first I convince that I could fully control my life.

Most of the time in the past, I usually felt things were all losing control. I could not chose where I was born, my school, my job, even my lover. People always say that this world is full hope and chance. I only feel myself being chosen instead of actually choosing things on my own.

There are too many rules to follow in this world. We have to study hard to get to have a high academic degree, using that as a good resume for a job that earn enough money for living. Still we have to work hard to get fame and win people’s favor.

At the end, we all die.

Even in a relationship, I always feel I give too much and all I can do is patiently waiting the other to give me some feedback. I can only be chosen. Love makes people ugly. I can’t love like mother Terisa loved the world. When I fall in love, I always eager to have return. If the other one didn’t make me feel the same amount of love as I did.( Please note that I say “make me feel”, which means that he might love me in his way. I just couldn’t receive it somehow.) I will suffering in depression that I made for myself.

I can’t help but wondering what is the meaning of life. We just keep following these non sense rules and working so hard, but still end up with the same denouement.

I think in some prospective, I’m right about this world. Living is no meaning. Life has no special reason to occur. It just happened. That’s it.

There is sentence comes from my favorite singer- Yellow Haung, saved me from the hopeless.

I’m too young to understand the meaning behind this life. Or, I’ll never penetrate secretes of life. There are various methods to live, shouldn’t we just give ourselves a try?

Stop thinking about the meanings of our behavior, just let everything happens, and among this process, try all the possibility.

I stop questioning the meaning(although sometimes I still do), but try to enjoy the detail of myself, my job, and my life. I should open my mind and enjoy what suddenly happen and see it as gift. Living in this world is to see how much more experience that I can have while I’m still alive. This give me courage and curiosity for next phase or anything. What else can I do for more experience?

All I can do is keep seeking and trying.

Then, I met my boyfriend. He is so different from me. Always full of energy and so many activities after work. However, he kinda lack of practice on expression( or all the straight men are like this). When he encounter any emotional situation, he falls into his own emotion tower.

I’m totally different. I’m so lazy and nosy. Suddenly, you run into someone who can change you and you can also makes difference to him.

Everything is full of possibilties.

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